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Lifezone Training  - NEWSLETTER

April 09 Edition

How to stop losing your Temper!    NAIL IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the 1 day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say "I'm sorry", the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

(source : Unknown)


ANGER = Destroying Values

ANGER = Losing Control

ANGER = Destroying Respect

ANGER = Destroying Relationship

ANGER = Using AUTHORITY to Indicate you're RIGHT


ANGER = Abusing your Power/Position

ANGER = Abusing someone relentlessly


(Bip Parmar - Lifezone Training)

Why do we lose our temper?
We feel upset over certain issues or something or someone not meeting our expectations we tend to lose our cool. That particular moment we are not prepared to listen and we just want to offload our feelings - speak our mind. Many times we do not even want to find out the reality of the situation but blast someone instantly.

DO you regret afterwards?
Then why do we do it? We are governed by our strong belief system at times which leads us to fact that we are totally justified in shouting / getting angry. Majority of times we don't even care where we are and who else is looking at the fiasco (hungama).

In the business environment we need to take care in controlling our temper as it has a tremendous impact on the opposite person and others surrounding you. You may be totally right and justified in addressing your views but anger means you are making the other person very defensive inwardly. The motivation and respect for you is lost.  They start incubating fear and hatred towards you although they may acknowledge that you were right.

By being Assertive and checking /questioning / understanding - you will be able to assess the situation/ scenario before you begin to point out firmly the area of inefficiency/ fault/ errors. This method provides far better results in retaining respect  for you and themselves. It means you are justified and fair in pulling them up for their errors.

Many childhoods are affected by Violent Parental upbringing which leads to Adulthood being marred by people who are dominant or abusive at work. Nobody likes to be shouted at and one who can handle it firmly and positively wins the opponent. If you are right then you have to be RIGHT to convince the other person you are Right - rather than thrashing them with forceful behaviour.

We always look for confidence in staff to address and handle customers/ colleagues/ peers etc but we are the ones who don't support them and just blame them. It is our duty to develop staff to overcome their mistakes and meet your (reasonable) expectations. We all rise through ranks by learning and making mistakes. Someone must have given you the chance in life to get you where you are today. We need to do the same.

Anger destroys us - as it does really bother us afterwards for wrongful words/ actions - many a times for destroying or breaking things / relations etc.

We lose the temper - automatically - something triggers it off - we are off the handle. If only you can change that trigger mechanism it may help you to start with and then followed by rational thinking.

Practical Tips, Exercises and Case Studies would be ideal to show you how to control your temper. Anger Management seminar will help you - to overcome this weakness specially at work.

Bip Parmar - Lifezone Training

Better out than in?

“Brits aren’t good at expressing their anger – there’s a lot of people with ‘pressure cooker syndrome,” says Dr Mann. “We’re taught that anger should be suppressed, so we don’t know how to express it appropriately."

Fisher adds: “Culturally we are moving on from being a nation of imploders to exploders, which I think is healthier,” he says. “The exploder drops his load and it’s over – but what about the people who have to deal with the explosion? Often it takes them weeks to recover.”

Statistics show we’re no longer happy to suffer in silence: 45% of people lose their temper at work, 65% of shoppers are more likely to complain now than three years ago, one in four drivers admits to committing an act of road rage and between 1997-2000 air rage incidents have soared by 400%.

It’s also important to remember that there’s two sides to every emotion. Dr Mann believes anger is a great motivator, if channeled correctly.

“If we didn’t get angry then we wouldn’t react to change the things that are important,” she says. “The problem is that anger is a double-edged sword – it leads to aggression when you feel out of control. Other emotions can be intense but aren’t as destructive to you and other people.”

Dr Sandi Mann, author of Anger Management in a Week (£6.99, Hodder & Stoughton)

Dr. Roberts has 5 golden rules to help keep your head under pressure.
• Walk away from the situation and give yourself time to calm down.
• Shout or scream (where it will not alarm anyone) to vent your feelings of frustration.
• Use deep breathing techniques or count to ten.
• A lack of certain nutrients can make people feel irritable so eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep.
• Listen to the other person’s point of view.

Stress plays a big role in our anger levels,” says Dr Roberts. “The more stressed we are, the more likely we are to lose our tempers.” Deep breathing and yoga can change our temper for the better and learning to assert yourself is also important. “Assertiveness training will help you communicate clearly to others what you are feeling. This can prevent being overwhelmed with anger in the future while conveying what you want in a calm instead of aggressive way,” Dr Roberts says.
Are you at risk?
Blowing a gasket regularly can also leave a legacy on your health, says
Dr Marcus Roberts, head of policy at mental health charity MIND. “Anger might affect your digestion which contributes to the development of heartburn, ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. It can also lead to blocked arteries, high blood pressure and compromise your immune system,” he warns.

We aim to provide regular tips to our valued members and participants on a regular basis. In six months time, there will also be a special column for you to get your work-life problems answered. Please send them to us.

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